Anchor of My Soul.

First week of classes are over for me...but the joy of homework has just begun. Grad school has been a completely difference experience from undergrad, there's a lot more reading and writing...both of which I haven't done in a LONG time. Also, the class sizes are much smaller. One of my class only has 6 people...gotta make sure I stay awake. lol My largest class has 50 and that's only because it's combined with undergrads. Overall, I think that it could be an interesting semester once I figure out how to schedule my time. It's weird having mostly evening or online courses...I'm so used to waking up and getting ready to head out for school/work but I'm adjusting.

When I first paid my tuition I was sad because my hard work of saving this past year seemed to have gone down the drain but our God is so good to us and He allowed my residency application to be approved. I guess that I am now officially a Texas resident...no more interesting stares from people when they look at my Washington driver's license.

So what has the Lord been teaching me this week? I live in the presence of the most High King who is worthy and deserving of my every moment. As I come before Him I realize that I can only cast my anchor in Him...He is the answer to all of my deepest longings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENZWRzO-oNc

Hear My Prayer.

Just a prayer on my heart this morning. No matter what we're going through He hears our prayers and we ought to praise Him and give Him the glory that He deserves. The One seated upon the throne is able to accomplish all.

Hear O Lord and answer,
I am poor and needy.
Guard my life for I am devoted to You.
Hear my prayer O Lord,
And my cry for mercy.
In this day of trouble I will call to You.

Teach me O Lord, I will walk in Your truth.
Give me an undivided heart.
Nations You've made will worship You.
For You alone are the living God.

I will praise You, I will praise You,
Glorify Your name O Lord,
I will praise You, I will praise You,
Glorify Your name O Lord.

Here we go again.

Sorry about neglecting this for a while. I struggled with whether or not to write posts anymore because I wasn't sure what the purpose of me keeping this would be. Much has happened over these last few months but I wonder how much I need to blog for the world to read. I've decided to try to keep this up again only with the hope that I would be able to use this as a way to share words of encouragements to others. I'm not sure how encouraging I can be but we're all learning lessons before the Lord and those learnings should be used to edify each other. 

What we have seen and heard we proclaim to you also, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ.

1 John 1:3

Work at Blackshear is over and I'll be starting classes next week. Part of me is excited to move on to this but also extremely anxious for what is to come. But this is a new beginning for me in many ways so I can only keep my eyes ahead on the Lord and find my rest and comfort in Him. Many things we may not understand but He does so with that in mind I start off this new school year. 

Two things have been on my heart recently. First is what it means to guard our hearts. When brother Chang Jian came to share I remember feeling convicted that I haven't been doing a good job in guarding my heart and because of that I had allowed it to become unpure. My quiet times before the Lord have become scattered and I find my mind wandering to all the things I need to do. I needed to be reminded that I need to listen to the good teaching of the Lord so that His light can shine into the dark places of my heart to show me where I've fallen so that I can get up. Once I'm up I must keep my eyes directly on the Lord because it's the only way to walk forward correctly without getting discouraged by things around me. 

Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.

Proverbs 4:23

 

The second is about the story of Job. I'm not sure why the Lord had placed the burden upon me to look at this book closely. Many brothers have also sharing about this man. I don't have any concrete thoughts to share about this yet except that I feel that Lord is trying to teach me a valuable lesson through it. I may not be experiencing something as extreme as Job but we all have dealings from the Lord and through it we are refined. May our desire be to be called blameless and upright before our Lord. 

Renewed Strength.

Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary, 
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youth grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly, 
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary. 
Isaiah 40:28-31

I rest in Thee, whate'er betide.

O Jesus, Jesus dearest Lord!
Forgive if I say,
For very love, They sacred name
A thousand times a day.

Oh Jesus, Lord with me abide;
I rest in Thee, whate'er betide;
They gracious smile is my reward;
I love, I love Thee, Lord!

For Thou to me art all in all;
My honor, and my wealth;
My heart's desire, my body's strength,
My soul's eternal health.

Burn, burn, O love, within my heart,
Burn fiercely night and day,
Till all the dross of earthly loves
Is burned and burned away.

O light in darkness, joy in grief,
O heaven begun on earth;
Jesus my Love, my Treasure, who
can tell what Thou art worth?

What limit is there to this love?
They flighty, where wilt Thou stay?
On, on! our Lord is sweeter far
Today than yesterday.


While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:18

Broken.

I'm not sure when it happened but amidst the the business and routines of life here in Texas I somehow got comfortable with the way things were in my life. My prayer has been that the Lord would shake things in my life so that I would learn to once again cling on to Him for everything. I struggled with making this prayer for a long time because I know that the Lord answers our earnest prayers...as much as I wanted to move forward in my walk I was scared of what the answers to my prayers would bring. Praise the Lord He has answered my prayers. As hard as it is for me to praise Him at this moment I trust that He has His sovereign hand over it all.

Psalm 31.

³ For You are my rock and my fortress;
Therefore, for Your name’s sake,
Lead me and guide me.²⁴ Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart,
All you who hope in the Lord.

Psalm 25
To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
² O my God, I trust in You;
Let me not be ashamed;
Let not my enemies triumph over me.
³ Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed;
Let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause.

⁴ Show me Your ways, O Lord;
Teach me Your paths.
⁵ Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;

On You I wait all the day.

Yes Lord, may my prayer be that I would be willing to wait...

Follow Me. Wholeheartedly.

It has been almost a week since the HCA winter retreat, I should probably jot down what the Lord has impressed upon my heart over this break before I get busy and forget. Interestingly enough the topics for the SCA and HCA winter retreats were quite similar this year so I felt that the Lord was really trying to tell me something. As I spent this last week reflecting upon all the message I heard two phrases stood out to me: follow me and wholeheartedly. What I'm sharing about is nothing new nor profound but it is something I needed to be reminded of as I begin a new year.

Follow Me. The Lord has a simple calling for us to follow Him yet the action of following Him on day to day basis is has proven to be much  more challenging. As I was reminded of His love for me through the sharing of the brothers at both retreats the Lord seemed to challenge me with a question...now what? As I reflect upon this past year I have clearly felt the Lord's love and I have had my own "first" experiences with Him but has been or what should be my response? As much as I have been blessed by Him this past year there needs to be a response on my end towards Him; I need to respond by following Him. This following is a simple heart of obedience that is ready to move when He moves and to be okay with waiting when that is what He's asking for. A disciple is one who follows the master and learns the heart of the master. In order for me to follow the Lord I need to learn the desires of the Lord. 

Wholeheartedly. What does it mean to do something wholeheartedly? Brother John put it very well when he said "a lover loves what his/her lover loves". When you put your whole heart into something it consumes your entire being whether it be academics or a friendship. There have been times where I could say that I followed the Lord but even then the following was only partially, I often did things reluctantly or had to force myself to obey. Maybe that is better than not following the Lord but He desires for us to follow Him wholeheartedly. 

Thinking about this can make me discouraged because it seems like an impossible thing for me to do but praise the Lord He knows that and it is His grace that constrains me. He knows that I am unable to follow Him wholeheartedly which is why He has placed eternity into my heart and it is He who is going to draw out the desire from within me. Taking up the cross daily takes courage but that courage doesn't have to come from me, we have been yoked with Him and He provides us with that courage needed to follow Him wholeheartedly. 

O to grace how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be.

Let thy goodness like a fetter, bin my wandering heart to thee.

Prone to wander Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.

Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for they courts above.