Unfulfilled Longings.

All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them.

Hebrews 11:13-16

I've been thinking about this idea of unfulfilled longings. In the past I've always thought of them as a bad thing, that my dissatisfaction towards things in my life were displeasing to God. What I've come to realize is that having these unfulfilled longings themselves are not the problem, it is what usually comes afterwards that is considered sinful. God has created us to have unfulfilled longings. He created us with them so that we wouldn't be content with this world, so that we would long for a better country, that heavenly one. My problem is that I tend to choose to fill those unfulfilled longings with things besides the Lord. I choose to watch my TV shows, hang out with friends, or go shopping. The truth is, nothing can fill that void besides our Lord Himself. I've found that the more I turn to these things the more frustrated I get with life, but when I'm willing to stop and humble myself before the Lord He reminds me of His goodness and my unfulfilled longings dissipate. Having Him alone is enough. 

O taste and see that the Lord is good;

How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!

O fear the Lord, you His saints;

For to those who fear Him there is no want.

The young lions do lack and suffer hunger;

But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.

Psalm 34:8-10 

Hearing the Shepherd's Voice.

Some things in life have been a bit murky for me recently and I couldn't quite figure out. John 10 speaks of the good shepherd. The good shepherd is willing to lay down his life for the sheep that has gone astray which I have a hard time understanding. From my human eyes I feel that with so many sheep losing one doesn't seem like such a big deal. The heart of our good shepherd is different from ours, He is willing to lay down His life for even that one sheep.

As I read Psalm 136 one morning I was reminded of the Lord's love for us, His lovingkindness truly is everlasting. Then it hit me why I've been struggling so much the last few weeks, I had forgotten about the love our of Lord. I had begun to listen to the many voices of this world and the more I listened to them the harder it became to hear the soft but comforting voice of my good shepherd.

Wonderful Savior
My heart belongs to Thee
I will remember always the blood You shed for me
Wonderful Savior
My heart will know your worth
So I will embrace You always as I walk this earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high
Be treasured here
Be glorified
I owe my life to You my Lord
Here I am...

Beautiful Jesus
How may I bless Your heart?
Knees to the earthy I bow down to everything You are
Beautiful Jesus 
You are my only worth
So let me embrace You always as I walk this earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high
Be treasured here
Be glorified
I owe my life to You my Lord
Here I am...

Here I am Lord...ready to hear Your voice.

Aroma.

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.

2 Corinthians 2:14-15

I came across this verse during my morning devotion time a couple of days ago and it got me thinking about this word "aroma". What does it mean for me to manifest the sweet aroma of Christ in every place? I think this also connects to a discussion we had at PGG last week about what it means for someone to be "radiant". I'm quite familiar with the idea of aroma. Trigger words like baked goods or barbeque are perfect examples of foods that I'm able to associate with a specific scent, but what scent do I connect to Christ? It almost sounds silly to think that the things of Christ have a scent, but I had this thought:  why do I enjoy eating cookies freshly baked out of the oven? I'm drawn to them because I find the aroma pleasant. Even if I'm not hungry I'm always up for eating them because of their smell. Shouldn't the things of Christ have that same affect on us? We can't always pinpoint exactly what it is but there's something that draws us to His word each time. That is the unique aroma that the life of Christ gives off. Even when we think we're satisfied we are always open to getting one more taste of our Lord. 

When I think of something fragrant I think of a rose -- it has a delightful scent. So for us to be a fragrance of Christ in this world means that we should have a pleasant aroma. There are aromas that we enjoy and are drawn to and also those we avoid because we find them unpleasant. When people are around us do they smell the life of Christ and find it pleasant, or are they disgusted by the aroma we give off? It's the same thing with being radiant: do we bring brightness into the lives of people around us or do we quench it? 

What is special about something that is radiant or has a sweet aroma is that it can be sensed from afar. We don't need to be near the sun to say that it's radiant, nor do we need to see exactly where a barbecue is happening for our mouths to water. As we walk through life do people see the radiance of Christ or smell His sweet aroma from afar? Only something that is entirely radiant and sweet from within can be sensed without having to get really close. May we all desire to be filled with the radiance and sweet aroma of Christ from within so that the outward display would be a natural thing. 

Unique Service.

Well I survived Texas nature. The afternoons are brutal but the evenings are wonderful. Between the hours of 3-7pm everyone just had this dazed look on their face as they struggled to just move from one bench to another. haha It's actually kind of funny thinking about it now but at the time we were miserable. By nighttime though it's great. Since we were by the water there was a nice breeze but it was still warm enough to be in shorts and a tank, completely different from PNW camping where you're piling on the layers and huddling by the fire to stay warm. I ended up sleeping in the car too cause the tent was going to be too cramped with all of us girls. I must say my car is more comfortable to sleep in than I imagined...I guess being short has its benefits when trying to fit comfortably in small areas.

During our campfire time we had a time for campfire questions. There was quite an array of questions from your first crush to the greatest thing God has done in your life. The one question that got me thinking was this: what service has God burdened you that is unique to you? Honestly when I first heard this question I was glad I wasn't the one that got it because I wouldn't know how to answer it. But it did get me thinking...why did I get involved in the services at HCA? I realized that many times I serve because there is a hole that needs to be filled so I serve. Since I've had previous experience with kids teaching just makes sense. I don't think it's wrong to serve because there are many needs in God's house that needs to be filled but the heart behind that service is crucial. I realized that I may be neglecting the real burden that God has place on my heart and that is the service of prayer.

My prayer life is lacking in many way but I've definitely received burdens from the Lord to prayer for a person, group, or matter. Instead of being diligent though I get lazy and feel that prayer can't do much, really I just don't trust God enough to think that He'll hear and answer prayers. Behind every outward action of service, there needs to be even more of the inward service of prayer. I feel incompetent in many ways when it comes to outwards deeds because there are those around me much more capable than I am but I need to respond to the burden on prayer that the Lord has placed on my heart.

As much as I struggled to go on this trip, God knew I needed to be there and I am thankful for going. Now I need to catch up on reading for school tomorrow...sigh.

Anchor of My Soul.

First week of classes are over for me...but the joy of homework has just begun. Grad school has been a completely difference experience from undergrad, there's a lot more reading and writing...both of which I haven't done in a LONG time. Also, the class sizes are much smaller. One of my class only has 6 people...gotta make sure I stay awake. lol My largest class has 50 and that's only because it's combined with undergrads. Overall, I think that it could be an interesting semester once I figure out how to schedule my time. It's weird having mostly evening or online courses...I'm so used to waking up and getting ready to head out for school/work but I'm adjusting.

When I first paid my tuition I was sad because my hard work of saving this past year seemed to have gone down the drain but our God is so good to us and He allowed my residency application to be approved. I guess that I am now officially a Texas resident...no more interesting stares from people when they look at my Washington driver's license.

So what has the Lord been teaching me this week? I live in the presence of the most High King who is worthy and deserving of my every moment. As I come before Him I realize that I can only cast my anchor in Him...He is the answer to all of my deepest longings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENZWRzO-oNc

Hear My Prayer.

Just a prayer on my heart this morning. No matter what we're going through He hears our prayers and we ought to praise Him and give Him the glory that He deserves. The One seated upon the throne is able to accomplish all.

Hear O Lord and answer,
I am poor and needy.
Guard my life for I am devoted to You.
Hear my prayer O Lord,
And my cry for mercy.
In this day of trouble I will call to You.

Teach me O Lord, I will walk in Your truth.
Give me an undivided heart.
Nations You've made will worship You.
For You alone are the living God.

I will praise You, I will praise You,
Glorify Your name O Lord,
I will praise You, I will praise You,
Glorify Your name O Lord.

Here we go again.

Sorry about neglecting this for a while. I struggled with whether or not to write posts anymore because I wasn't sure what the purpose of me keeping this would be. Much has happened over these last few months but I wonder how much I need to blog for the world to read. I've decided to try to keep this up again only with the hope that I would be able to use this as a way to share words of encouragements to others. I'm not sure how encouraging I can be but we're all learning lessons before the Lord and those learnings should be used to edify each other. 

What we have seen and heard we proclaim to you also, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ.

1 John 1:3

Work at Blackshear is over and I'll be starting classes next week. Part of me is excited to move on to this but also extremely anxious for what is to come. But this is a new beginning for me in many ways so I can only keep my eyes ahead on the Lord and find my rest and comfort in Him. Many things we may not understand but He does so with that in mind I start off this new school year. 

Two things have been on my heart recently. First is what it means to guard our hearts. When brother Chang Jian came to share I remember feeling convicted that I haven't been doing a good job in guarding my heart and because of that I had allowed it to become unpure. My quiet times before the Lord have become scattered and I find my mind wandering to all the things I need to do. I needed to be reminded that I need to listen to the good teaching of the Lord so that His light can shine into the dark places of my heart to show me where I've fallen so that I can get up. Once I'm up I must keep my eyes directly on the Lord because it's the only way to walk forward correctly without getting discouraged by things around me. 

Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.

Proverbs 4:23

 

The second is about the story of Job. I'm not sure why the Lord had placed the burden upon me to look at this book closely. Many brothers have also sharing about this man. I don't have any concrete thoughts to share about this yet except that I feel that Lord is trying to teach me a valuable lesson through it. I may not be experiencing something as extreme as Job but we all have dealings from the Lord and through it we are refined. May our desire be to be called blameless and upright before our Lord.