Here we go again.

Sorry about neglecting this for a while. I struggled with whether or not to write posts anymore because I wasn't sure what the purpose of me keeping this would be. Much has happened over these last few months but I wonder how much I need to blog for the world to read. I've decided to try to keep this up again only with the hope that I would be able to use this as a way to share words of encouragements to others. I'm not sure how encouraging I can be but we're all learning lessons before the Lord and those learnings should be used to edify each other. 

What we have seen and heard we proclaim to you also, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ.

1 John 1:3

Work at Blackshear is over and I'll be starting classes next week. Part of me is excited to move on to this but also extremely anxious for what is to come. But this is a new beginning for me in many ways so I can only keep my eyes ahead on the Lord and find my rest and comfort in Him. Many things we may not understand but He does so with that in mind I start off this new school year. 

Two things have been on my heart recently. First is what it means to guard our hearts. When brother Chang Jian came to share I remember feeling convicted that I haven't been doing a good job in guarding my heart and because of that I had allowed it to become unpure. My quiet times before the Lord have become scattered and I find my mind wandering to all the things I need to do. I needed to be reminded that I need to listen to the good teaching of the Lord so that His light can shine into the dark places of my heart to show me where I've fallen so that I can get up. Once I'm up I must keep my eyes directly on the Lord because it's the only way to walk forward correctly without getting discouraged by things around me. 

Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.

Proverbs 4:23

 

The second is about the story of Job. I'm not sure why the Lord had placed the burden upon me to look at this book closely. Many brothers have also sharing about this man. I don't have any concrete thoughts to share about this yet except that I feel that Lord is trying to teach me a valuable lesson through it. I may not be experiencing something as extreme as Job but we all have dealings from the Lord and through it we are refined. May our desire be to be called blameless and upright before our Lord. 

Renewed Strength.

Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary, 
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youth grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly, 
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary. 
Isaiah 40:28-31

I rest in Thee, whate'er betide.

O Jesus, Jesus dearest Lord!
Forgive if I say,
For very love, They sacred name
A thousand times a day.

Oh Jesus, Lord with me abide;
I rest in Thee, whate'er betide;
They gracious smile is my reward;
I love, I love Thee, Lord!

For Thou to me art all in all;
My honor, and my wealth;
My heart's desire, my body's strength,
My soul's eternal health.

Burn, burn, O love, within my heart,
Burn fiercely night and day,
Till all the dross of earthly loves
Is burned and burned away.

O light in darkness, joy in grief,
O heaven begun on earth;
Jesus my Love, my Treasure, who
can tell what Thou art worth?

What limit is there to this love?
They flighty, where wilt Thou stay?
On, on! our Lord is sweeter far
Today than yesterday.


While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:18

Broken.

I'm not sure when it happened but amidst the the business and routines of life here in Texas I somehow got comfortable with the way things were in my life. My prayer has been that the Lord would shake things in my life so that I would learn to once again cling on to Him for everything. I struggled with making this prayer for a long time because I know that the Lord answers our earnest prayers...as much as I wanted to move forward in my walk I was scared of what the answers to my prayers would bring. Praise the Lord He has answered my prayers. As hard as it is for me to praise Him at this moment I trust that He has His sovereign hand over it all.

Psalm 31.

³ For You are my rock and my fortress;
Therefore, for Your name’s sake,
Lead me and guide me.²⁴ Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart,
All you who hope in the Lord.

Psalm 25
To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
² O my God, I trust in You;
Let me not be ashamed;
Let not my enemies triumph over me.
³ Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed;
Let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause.

⁴ Show me Your ways, O Lord;
Teach me Your paths.
⁵ Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;

On You I wait all the day.

Yes Lord, may my prayer be that I would be willing to wait...

Follow Me. Wholeheartedly.

It has been almost a week since the HCA winter retreat, I should probably jot down what the Lord has impressed upon my heart over this break before I get busy and forget. Interestingly enough the topics for the SCA and HCA winter retreats were quite similar this year so I felt that the Lord was really trying to tell me something. As I spent this last week reflecting upon all the message I heard two phrases stood out to me: follow me and wholeheartedly. What I'm sharing about is nothing new nor profound but it is something I needed to be reminded of as I begin a new year.

Follow Me. The Lord has a simple calling for us to follow Him yet the action of following Him on day to day basis is has proven to be much  more challenging. As I was reminded of His love for me through the sharing of the brothers at both retreats the Lord seemed to challenge me with a question...now what? As I reflect upon this past year I have clearly felt the Lord's love and I have had my own "first" experiences with Him but has been or what should be my response? As much as I have been blessed by Him this past year there needs to be a response on my end towards Him; I need to respond by following Him. This following is a simple heart of obedience that is ready to move when He moves and to be okay with waiting when that is what He's asking for. A disciple is one who follows the master and learns the heart of the master. In order for me to follow the Lord I need to learn the desires of the Lord. 

Wholeheartedly. What does it mean to do something wholeheartedly? Brother John put it very well when he said "a lover loves what his/her lover loves". When you put your whole heart into something it consumes your entire being whether it be academics or a friendship. There have been times where I could say that I followed the Lord but even then the following was only partially, I often did things reluctantly or had to force myself to obey. Maybe that is better than not following the Lord but He desires for us to follow Him wholeheartedly. 

Thinking about this can make me discouraged because it seems like an impossible thing for me to do but praise the Lord He knows that and it is His grace that constrains me. He knows that I am unable to follow Him wholeheartedly which is why He has placed eternity into my heart and it is He who is going to draw out the desire from within me. Taking up the cross daily takes courage but that courage doesn't have to come from me, we have been yoked with Him and He provides us with that courage needed to follow Him wholeheartedly. 

O to grace how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be.

Let thy goodness like a fetter, bin my wandering heart to thee.

Prone to wander Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.

Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for they courts above.

LOTR Marathon

Since The Hobbit is coming out soon we tried to do a Lord of the Ring extended version movie marathon last night. Apparently a couple of them tried it about five years ago when all three first came out and a few were able to stay awake the entire night. Five years later not one of us made it. We started a little before midnight and made it through the first one okay but everyone passed out during the second one. After a couple hours I woke up to this:

I thought about changing it to the next disc but since everyone around me was asleep I decided not too. I guess that others also woke up but made the same decision. Most people were up around 8am and we decided to continue forward.

At approximately 2 pm we finally finished all three movies. Conclusion? We are getting too old for such activities. I still love the movies though.

His Way, My Way.

The first couple days coming back from home were tough. I missed the comfort of home...with easy access to food...which may or may not have a been a good thing. I missed family. I missed friends. I even missed the cool weather even though it was gloomy. Then I started to research Texas teaching certification requirements and became overwhelmed by all the options and programs. This led me to think about the possibility that I may not return to Seattle after this year and it added to my depression. Combined with the craziness of students after a couple days of break I found myself irritated and annoyed by almost everything and everyone. Basically...like I said...it was tough.

But the Lord knows what He's doing and His timing is perfect. Isaiah 55 spoke to me this week as I prepared for Bible study and the sharings of brothers and sisters were also of great encouragement. A few points:

Seek the Lord while He may be found; Call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return to the Lord, and He will have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,"declares the Lord.  vs 6-8

The Lord is never far and He can always be found but too often I feel that He is nowhere to be found because I am the one that has wandered from my Lord. When things happen in my life that I don't understand I get upset because it makes my life difficult. What I forget is that He doesn't work according to my ways, nor does He think how I think. Actually, I should be thankful that that's the case because we'd all be in trouble if He did things my way. Auntie Catherine shared about how she has been bringing her to dad to rehab and many times the exercises the therapist ask her dad to perform seem silly. It is hard to see the purpose of repeating the same motion time and time again. But, these therapists have a goal in mind and they know that what seems like useless movements right now are actually small steps in training the muscles so that they can carry out their intended function later on. I get frustrated sometimes because I feel that the Lord is allowing the same things to happen time and time again. What I don't see is that this constant repetition is to strengthen my spiritual muscles so that they can function correctly.

"For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there without watering the earth and making it bear and sprout, and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, Without accomplishing what I desire, And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it. vs 10-11

Too often I keep my eyes focused on myself...I feel that I'm not growing, or I see that I still struggle with the same things...and I get frustrated and disheartened.  Praise the Lord for the reminder that He doesn't make promises that He can't keep. Rain gives immediate nourishment to plants while snow appears to kills plants. Over time though snow melts and turns into water which can then nourish plants. I want to see immediate results but sometimes God allows snow to fall into my life because it is a growth that can only be seen over time. I do not need to become frustrated because whether it is now or later, rain and snow will both cause the seed to bear and sprout.