Out of the Depths (Psalm 130)

Out of the depths, O Lord, I cry to you
When I am tempted to despair
Though I might fail to trust Your promises
You never fail to hear my prayer
And if You judged my sin
I'd never stand again
But I see mercy in Your hands

So more than watchmen for the morning
I will wait for You, my God
When my fears come with no warning
In Your Word I'll put my trust
When the harvest time is over and I still see no fruit
I will wait, I will wait for you

The secret mysteries belong to You
We only know what You reveal
And all my questions that are unresolved
Don't change the wisdom of Your will
In every trial and loss
My hope is in the cross
Where Your compassions never fail


-Sovereign Grace

Why should I see His Kingdom?

Just a simple thought that came to me this morning from a verse we're all very familiar with:

But seek His Kingdom and His Righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:33

I realized that I've been looking at this verse wrong. Why is it that I desire to seek His Kingdom and His Righteousness? Is it so that "all these things will be added to me". I've always had this mindset that when we seek after the things of God then He will bless us with all the things we want. In a way that isn't wrong, I mean He does bless us as we follow Him but that isn't the desire of His heart. He doesn't want us to seek Him just so that He'll bless us. He wants us to seek after the things of Him because of who He is. 

As we learn to let go of the things in our life we find that He is a loving, merciful, and faithful God. Not only that, but He is the God who is seated upon the throne. When we realize these things our desire to seek after His Kingdom and His Righteousness becomes a natural thing. We don't do it for the blessings that follow; we do it because He Himself is worth it. 

Unfulfilled Longings.

All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them.

Hebrews 11:13-16

I've been thinking about this idea of unfulfilled longings. In the past I've always thought of them as a bad thing, that my dissatisfaction towards things in my life were displeasing to God. What I've come to realize is that having these unfulfilled longings themselves are not the problem, it is what usually comes afterwards that is considered sinful. God has created us to have unfulfilled longings. He created us with them so that we wouldn't be content with this world, so that we would long for a better country, that heavenly one. My problem is that I tend to choose to fill those unfulfilled longings with things besides the Lord. I choose to watch my TV shows, hang out with friends, or go shopping. The truth is, nothing can fill that void besides our Lord Himself. I've found that the more I turn to these things the more frustrated I get with life, but when I'm willing to stop and humble myself before the Lord He reminds me of His goodness and my unfulfilled longings dissipate. Having Him alone is enough. 

O taste and see that the Lord is good;

How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!

O fear the Lord, you His saints;

For to those who fear Him there is no want.

The young lions do lack and suffer hunger;

But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.

Psalm 34:8-10 

Hearing the Shepherd's Voice.

Some things in life have been a bit murky for me recently and I couldn't quite figure out. John 10 speaks of the good shepherd. The good shepherd is willing to lay down his life for the sheep that has gone astray which I have a hard time understanding. From my human eyes I feel that with so many sheep losing one doesn't seem like such a big deal. The heart of our good shepherd is different from ours, He is willing to lay down His life for even that one sheep.

As I read Psalm 136 one morning I was reminded of the Lord's love for us, His lovingkindness truly is everlasting. Then it hit me why I've been struggling so much the last few weeks, I had forgotten about the love our of Lord. I had begun to listen to the many voices of this world and the more I listened to them the harder it became to hear the soft but comforting voice of my good shepherd.

Wonderful Savior
My heart belongs to Thee
I will remember always the blood You shed for me
Wonderful Savior
My heart will know your worth
So I will embrace You always as I walk this earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high
Be treasured here
Be glorified
I owe my life to You my Lord
Here I am...

Beautiful Jesus
How may I bless Your heart?
Knees to the earthy I bow down to everything You are
Beautiful Jesus 
You are my only worth
So let me embrace You always as I walk this earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high
Be treasured here
Be glorified
I owe my life to You my Lord
Here I am...

Here I am Lord...ready to hear Your voice.

Aroma.

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.

2 Corinthians 2:14-15

I came across this verse during my morning devotion time a couple of days ago and it got me thinking about this word "aroma". What does it mean for me to manifest the sweet aroma of Christ in every place? I think this also connects to a discussion we had at PGG last week about what it means for someone to be "radiant". I'm quite familiar with the idea of aroma. Trigger words like baked goods or barbeque are perfect examples of foods that I'm able to associate with a specific scent, but what scent do I connect to Christ? It almost sounds silly to think that the things of Christ have a scent, but I had this thought:  why do I enjoy eating cookies freshly baked out of the oven? I'm drawn to them because I find the aroma pleasant. Even if I'm not hungry I'm always up for eating them because of their smell. Shouldn't the things of Christ have that same affect on us? We can't always pinpoint exactly what it is but there's something that draws us to His word each time. That is the unique aroma that the life of Christ gives off. Even when we think we're satisfied we are always open to getting one more taste of our Lord. 

When I think of something fragrant I think of a rose -- it has a delightful scent. So for us to be a fragrance of Christ in this world means that we should have a pleasant aroma. There are aromas that we enjoy and are drawn to and also those we avoid because we find them unpleasant. When people are around us do they smell the life of Christ and find it pleasant, or are they disgusted by the aroma we give off? It's the same thing with being radiant: do we bring brightness into the lives of people around us or do we quench it? 

What is special about something that is radiant or has a sweet aroma is that it can be sensed from afar. We don't need to be near the sun to say that it's radiant, nor do we need to see exactly where a barbecue is happening for our mouths to water. As we walk through life do people see the radiance of Christ or smell His sweet aroma from afar? Only something that is entirely radiant and sweet from within can be sensed without having to get really close. May we all desire to be filled with the radiance and sweet aroma of Christ from within so that the outward display would be a natural thing. 

Unique Service.

Well I survived Texas nature. The afternoons are brutal but the evenings are wonderful. Between the hours of 3-7pm everyone just had this dazed look on their face as they struggled to just move from one bench to another. haha It's actually kind of funny thinking about it now but at the time we were miserable. By nighttime though it's great. Since we were by the water there was a nice breeze but it was still warm enough to be in shorts and a tank, completely different from PNW camping where you're piling on the layers and huddling by the fire to stay warm. I ended up sleeping in the car too cause the tent was going to be too cramped with all of us girls. I must say my car is more comfortable to sleep in than I imagined...I guess being short has its benefits when trying to fit comfortably in small areas.

During our campfire time we had a time for campfire questions. There was quite an array of questions from your first crush to the greatest thing God has done in your life. The one question that got me thinking was this: what service has God burdened you that is unique to you? Honestly when I first heard this question I was glad I wasn't the one that got it because I wouldn't know how to answer it. But it did get me thinking...why did I get involved in the services at HCA? I realized that many times I serve because there is a hole that needs to be filled so I serve. Since I've had previous experience with kids teaching just makes sense. I don't think it's wrong to serve because there are many needs in God's house that needs to be filled but the heart behind that service is crucial. I realized that I may be neglecting the real burden that God has place on my heart and that is the service of prayer.

My prayer life is lacking in many way but I've definitely received burdens from the Lord to prayer for a person, group, or matter. Instead of being diligent though I get lazy and feel that prayer can't do much, really I just don't trust God enough to think that He'll hear and answer prayers. Behind every outward action of service, there needs to be even more of the inward service of prayer. I feel incompetent in many ways when it comes to outwards deeds because there are those around me much more capable than I am but I need to respond to the burden on prayer that the Lord has placed on my heart.

As much as I struggled to go on this trip, God knew I needed to be there and I am thankful for going. Now I need to catch up on reading for school tomorrow...sigh.

Anchor of My Soul.

First week of classes are over for me...but the joy of homework has just begun. Grad school has been a completely difference experience from undergrad, there's a lot more reading and writing...both of which I haven't done in a LONG time. Also, the class sizes are much smaller. One of my class only has 6 people...gotta make sure I stay awake. lol My largest class has 50 and that's only because it's combined with undergrads. Overall, I think that it could be an interesting semester once I figure out how to schedule my time. It's weird having mostly evening or online courses...I'm so used to waking up and getting ready to head out for school/work but I'm adjusting.

When I first paid my tuition I was sad because my hard work of saving this past year seemed to have gone down the drain but our God is so good to us and He allowed my residency application to be approved. I guess that I am now officially a Texas resident...no more interesting stares from people when they look at my Washington driver's license.

So what has the Lord been teaching me this week? I live in the presence of the most High King who is worthy and deserving of my every moment. As I come before Him I realize that I can only cast my anchor in Him...He is the answer to all of my deepest longings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENZWRzO-oNc

Hear My Prayer.

Just a prayer on my heart this morning. No matter what we're going through He hears our prayers and we ought to praise Him and give Him the glory that He deserves. The One seated upon the throne is able to accomplish all.

Hear O Lord and answer,
I am poor and needy.
Guard my life for I am devoted to You.
Hear my prayer O Lord,
And my cry for mercy.
In this day of trouble I will call to You.

Teach me O Lord, I will walk in Your truth.
Give me an undivided heart.
Nations You've made will worship You.
For You alone are the living God.

I will praise You, I will praise You,
Glorify Your name O Lord,
I will praise You, I will praise You,
Glorify Your name O Lord.

Here we go again.

Sorry about neglecting this for a while. I struggled with whether or not to write posts anymore because I wasn't sure what the purpose of me keeping this would be. Much has happened over these last few months but I wonder how much I need to blog for the world to read. I've decided to try to keep this up again only with the hope that I would be able to use this as a way to share words of encouragements to others. I'm not sure how encouraging I can be but we're all learning lessons before the Lord and those learnings should be used to edify each other. 

What we have seen and heard we proclaim to you also, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ.

1 John 1:3

Work at Blackshear is over and I'll be starting classes next week. Part of me is excited to move on to this but also extremely anxious for what is to come. But this is a new beginning for me in many ways so I can only keep my eyes ahead on the Lord and find my rest and comfort in Him. Many things we may not understand but He does so with that in mind I start off this new school year. 

Two things have been on my heart recently. First is what it means to guard our hearts. When brother Chang Jian came to share I remember feeling convicted that I haven't been doing a good job in guarding my heart and because of that I had allowed it to become unpure. My quiet times before the Lord have become scattered and I find my mind wandering to all the things I need to do. I needed to be reminded that I need to listen to the good teaching of the Lord so that His light can shine into the dark places of my heart to show me where I've fallen so that I can get up. Once I'm up I must keep my eyes directly on the Lord because it's the only way to walk forward correctly without getting discouraged by things around me. 

Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.

Proverbs 4:23

 

The second is about the story of Job. I'm not sure why the Lord had placed the burden upon me to look at this book closely. Many brothers have also sharing about this man. I don't have any concrete thoughts to share about this yet except that I feel that Lord is trying to teach me a valuable lesson through it. I may not be experiencing something as extreme as Job but we all have dealings from the Lord and through it we are refined. May our desire be to be called blameless and upright before our Lord. 

Renewed Strength.

Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary, 
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youth grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly, 
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary. 
Isaiah 40:28-31

I rest in Thee, whate'er betide.

O Jesus, Jesus dearest Lord!
Forgive if I say,
For very love, They sacred name
A thousand times a day.

Oh Jesus, Lord with me abide;
I rest in Thee, whate'er betide;
They gracious smile is my reward;
I love, I love Thee, Lord!

For Thou to me art all in all;
My honor, and my wealth;
My heart's desire, my body's strength,
My soul's eternal health.

Burn, burn, O love, within my heart,
Burn fiercely night and day,
Till all the dross of earthly loves
Is burned and burned away.

O light in darkness, joy in grief,
O heaven begun on earth;
Jesus my Love, my Treasure, who
can tell what Thou art worth?

What limit is there to this love?
They flighty, where wilt Thou stay?
On, on! our Lord is sweeter far
Today than yesterday.


While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:18

Broken.

I'm not sure when it happened but amidst the the business and routines of life here in Texas I somehow got comfortable with the way things were in my life. My prayer has been that the Lord would shake things in my life so that I would learn to once again cling on to Him for everything. I struggled with making this prayer for a long time because I know that the Lord answers our earnest prayers...as much as I wanted to move forward in my walk I was scared of what the answers to my prayers would bring. Praise the Lord He has answered my prayers. As hard as it is for me to praise Him at this moment I trust that He has His sovereign hand over it all.

Psalm 31.

³ For You are my rock and my fortress;
Therefore, for Your name’s sake,
Lead me and guide me.²⁴ Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart,
All you who hope in the Lord.

Psalm 25
To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
² O my God, I trust in You;
Let me not be ashamed;
Let not my enemies triumph over me.
³ Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed;
Let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause.

⁴ Show me Your ways, O Lord;
Teach me Your paths.
⁵ Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;

On You I wait all the day.

Yes Lord, may my prayer be that I would be willing to wait...

Follow Me. Wholeheartedly.

It has been almost a week since the HCA winter retreat, I should probably jot down what the Lord has impressed upon my heart over this break before I get busy and forget. Interestingly enough the topics for the SCA and HCA winter retreats were quite similar this year so I felt that the Lord was really trying to tell me something. As I spent this last week reflecting upon all the message I heard two phrases stood out to me: follow me and wholeheartedly. What I'm sharing about is nothing new nor profound but it is something I needed to be reminded of as I begin a new year.

Follow Me. The Lord has a simple calling for us to follow Him yet the action of following Him on day to day basis is has proven to be much  more challenging. As I was reminded of His love for me through the sharing of the brothers at both retreats the Lord seemed to challenge me with a question...now what? As I reflect upon this past year I have clearly felt the Lord's love and I have had my own "first" experiences with Him but has been or what should be my response? As much as I have been blessed by Him this past year there needs to be a response on my end towards Him; I need to respond by following Him. This following is a simple heart of obedience that is ready to move when He moves and to be okay with waiting when that is what He's asking for. A disciple is one who follows the master and learns the heart of the master. In order for me to follow the Lord I need to learn the desires of the Lord. 

Wholeheartedly. What does it mean to do something wholeheartedly? Brother John put it very well when he said "a lover loves what his/her lover loves". When you put your whole heart into something it consumes your entire being whether it be academics or a friendship. There have been times where I could say that I followed the Lord but even then the following was only partially, I often did things reluctantly or had to force myself to obey. Maybe that is better than not following the Lord but He desires for us to follow Him wholeheartedly. 

Thinking about this can make me discouraged because it seems like an impossible thing for me to do but praise the Lord He knows that and it is His grace that constrains me. He knows that I am unable to follow Him wholeheartedly which is why He has placed eternity into my heart and it is He who is going to draw out the desire from within me. Taking up the cross daily takes courage but that courage doesn't have to come from me, we have been yoked with Him and He provides us with that courage needed to follow Him wholeheartedly. 

O to grace how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be.

Let thy goodness like a fetter, bin my wandering heart to thee.

Prone to wander Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.

Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for they courts above.