Think about His love

Think about His love, think about His goodness

Think about His grace that's brought us through

For as high as the heavens above

So great is the measure of our Father's love

Great is the measure of our Father's love

How could I forget His love

And how could I forget His mercies

He satisfies, He satisfies, He satisfies my desires...

There has been a lot of thinking going on lately but I was reminded last night of what I should be thinking about. As we studied Acts 7 and recounted the history of Israel I was once again reminded about His love, His goodness, His love, and His mercy. Yet the Jews only saw tradition and because of that they lost sight of the God who is behind it all. My heart has been full of bitterness and complaint this past week. I looked at a friend last night and for the first time since we met I felt like I didn't know them anymore. I was filled with feelings of rejection, confusion, and doubt, not only towards this person but towards God.This is a dangerous place to be. I know because each time I'm consumed with these feelings it becomes harder to recover. Each time this happens it becomes harder to think about His love, His goodness, and the fact that He satisfies. I can't say that I'm in a place where I'm okay but remembering to think about Him is a start in letting go. 

The Father's Reproof.

My son, do not reject the discipline of the Lord

Or loathe His reproof,

For whom the Lord loves He reproves,

Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.

Proverbs 3: 10-11

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:6

Living away from home now means that I no longer have to encounter the daily reproof of my earthly parents however there is still the reproof of  my Father who is in heaven. What is my attitude towards the discipline given by my Father? At school I'm constantly having to correct and remind my students about what they're supposed to do. From day one they are taught that class isn't over until the bell rings but day after day they begin packing up five minutes before the bell rings and day after day I have to remind them of it. It has gotten to the point where I'm tired of reminding them and they've become numb to these reminders. Sometimes I feel like that's my attitude towards the discipline of the Lord. There are certain lessons in my life I refuse to learn even when I know the consequences that must follow and it seems as if I've almost become numb to those consequences.

 Discipline and correction comes from the Father because He delights in us. I have a hard time comprehending this type of discipline because my own tendencies is to give discipline from a place of disapproval but our Father's discipline comes from a place of love. I must learn to confide in Him in all my ways so that my path may be straight. I will fail and I will require correction but may I not reject the discipline of my Father who finds His delight in me. 

What is Love.

Love is patient...

Love is kind...

Love does not act unbecomingly...

Love does not seek its own...

Love is not provoked..

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

For now we see in a mirror faintly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 

1 Corinthians 13

Been a rough couple of days, thankful for this remember. As the world celebrates what they define as love, I look to the One that is love.

He knows our needs.

I've been having some trouble falling asleep lately and then I'll wake up multiple times throughout the "night" so waking up in the mornings has been someone of a struggle. Last night was another night where I tried to go to bed early but then all these thoughts came flooding into my mind as I lied there. After about an hour I finally decided to pull up the Bible on my phone and this is the passage it opened to:

And do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not keep worrying. For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things. But seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you. Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom.

Luke 12:29-32

Although I wasn't worrying about what to eat or drink I do worry or become anxious about certain things in my life. It is a comfort to know that our Father knows what we need. He even knows the things that we think we "need". Too often I compare myself to those in the world around me and because of that I begin to worry. Not only will He provide for me needs, He desires to give me the kingdom which that is beyond my understanding. My sight is so limited that I get caught up with these earthly matters and forget that my Father wants to gives me something so much greater. Our Lord is the Great Shepherd, knowing that I can find rest within His flock. 

John 18

Two points from that stood out to me from John 18:

1) The Roman cohort and officers from the chief priests and the Pharisees came looking for Jesus with lanterns and torches and weapons. 
It is interesting that after all this time these people felt that they needed to bring lanterns and weapons to approach our Lord. Our Lord is the Light and He has the almighty Power, yet his life on earth was one of one full of peace. He was able to live this life even while knowing why He was here on earth. We are those that have the life of Christ in us, do our lives testify of the character of Christ? Do people feel that they need to approach us ready to fight?

2) Peter was ready to die for the Lord in the garden but could not stand for Him during everyday events.
 I've always looked at Peter's action of cutting of Malchus's ear as one of foolishness but this time I have to admire what he did. Even though he acted in a way that he wasn't supposed to, Peter was ready to defend our Lord even if it meant death. In John 13 Peter declares that he will lay down his life for the Lord and here in John 18 he is ready to do just that. This could be considered a defining moment in Peter's life, a moment where he had to risk his life to stand up for Christ and he was able to do it. I admire Peter in this matter because I'm not sure if I have those real defining moments where I stood up for Christ even to the point of "death". But we find that Peter later denies our Lord three times in moments that were less "exciting". I guess this could be compared to our everyday walk in the world, when the the "Roman cohort" isn't attacking us. How much easier it is to deny our Lord when we go about the mundane everyday tasks? We let our guard down and then we quickly find ourselves denying the life of Christ that is living inside of us.

Functioning in the Body.

I'm quite familiar with the verse in 1 Corinthians that speaks about the many members that make up the Body of Christ but the past few days I've been reflecting on what they actually means for me. We've been having some fellowship about the function of the PGG group within the church and quite honestly I had no idea. We agree that we need to be united by the same vision but to me that's was just Christian lingo that we throw around because it sounds right. In reality we haven't received a clear vision from the Lord and that's why there's been so much confusion.

Being in the PGG group is a unique period of life. We are at a point where we are starting to serve in multiple capacities in the Body: the children's ministry, worship team, middle or high school groups, CGG, adult ministry. This is a blessing but I feel that at times we can easily get lost in these services and lose sight of why we're doing them. I'm not sure if I have the answer but I think that our function as the PGG group within the body is to bear one another's burdens.

Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.

Galatians 6: 2, 10

What better time than now for us to learn to bear each other's burdens and to serve one another, whether through diligent prayer or actual acts of service when prompted by the Holy Spirit. Being single really frees me up from a lot of the responsibilities so I should view this time as a blessing, the perfect time to learn how to function in this way in the body. Who knows what life will be like once I'm married with kids. lol I definitely won't have the same freedom to just drop everything and serve when led by the Spirit. I am however reminded that all this must stem from love. Without the love of Christ it will be impossible to function in this way with a joyful heart. 

A Little Leaven

I was convicted by the Lord today about overstepping the line when it came to trying to make the "right" decision about a situation. Throughout our conversations I felt like we were going in circles and we always ended up more confused than we had started. Tonight I suddenly felt the Lord telling me why things were so confusing, we had forgotten to ask the Lord about His decision. I had allowed man's voice and reasoning to enter into my mind and had blocked out the voice of our Lord, That's why I couldn't feel peaceful about any decision that was being made. So often we seek after the advice of man, and the advice might even be good, but unless we ask the Lord for His way, we will never feel at peace. 

As I was getting ready for bed I was led to read Galatians 5 where it talks about walking by the Spirit. 

You were running well; who hindered you from obeying the truth? This persuasion did not come from Him who calls you. A little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough. 

Galatians 5:7

It doesn't take much, just a little leaven, and we lose clarity in our life. It is only when we walk by the Spirit will we be able to resist the desires of the flesh. We don't need to stray far from this path and all of a sudden the thoughts of the flesh come flooding in and we lose our sense of direction and peace. If He calls us to do something we need to follow, we cannot allow anything else to persuade us otherwise.

I think I was reminded of this not only for myself but that I need to trust the leading of the Spirit in my brothers and sisters. We may not see what they see, but we need to trust that they are sincere before the Lord and that the Lord is working in their life. We all make mistakes but that's why we need the Blood of the Lamb. He is gracious and merciful towards us and as long as we have the heart He can continue to work. 

To Contend.

When it comes to everyday tasks I can be a somewhat proactive person. I like making lists of what needs to be done the next day and it gives me a sense of accomplishment when I can mentally cross them off. However, when it comes to spiritual matters I must confess that I am rather passive. I could argue that I'm allowing the Lord to have His way in me but if I were being honest with myself I would see that that isn't the case, my self-will is still very strong. 

I have set the Lord continually before me; because He is at my right hand I will not be shaken.

Psalm 16: 8

I've been reminded that choosing to follow the Lord is an active decision that must be made daily. It is so easy for the enemy to convince us that we don't NEED the Lord to get through the day and in some ways he's right. I may miss devotions one day and find that I have no problem getting through the day. I may even miss them two days in a row and I can still finish my to-do list. This is what the enemy does. It's such a gradual lie that we don't realize we are slowly drifting away from the path of our Lord. Then when things start to get rough we wonder how it happened. As I start off each day I must make the conscious decision to choose Life, to set the Lord continually before me. 

You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

Psalm 16:11

2014

2013 was a rough year but I am thankful that through the difficulties the Lord was able to reveal more of Himself to me. As I move into 2014 I pray that I would not forget the hard lessons I learned but that I would be able to build upon them and grow deeper in my relationship with the Lord. I haven't set any new years resolutions for many years because I was always disappointed by the fact that I could never keep them but I feel like I should at least try to form some concrete resolutions for this year. I understand that I can't keep them by my own strength but that as I bring them before the Lord He is faithful and is the one that does the keeping. 

The words of the Lord are pure words; as silver tried in a furnace on the earth, refined seven times. You, O Lord, will keep them; You will preserve him from this generation forever.

Psalm 12: 6-7

So...here are my prayers before the Lord for the year 2014:

1. To be able to find joy in Him.

There are many things that may happen this year that I will be not content with, whether it is life circumstances or perceptions I have about myself, but I realize that this should not define my sense of joy in the Lord. Being content in the Lord doesn't mean that I need to be happy with life on this earth; being content in the Lord is a deeper sense of satisfaction that exists even when I'm unsettled by my earthly circumstances. 

 

2. To treasure His Words.

Finding satisfaction in the Lord is impossible if I don't spend time with Him. I've struggled with spending quiet time before the Lord in the past and my prayer is that the Lord would burden me with the desire to treasure His word and the time I spend in His presence. This blog was created as a way to document the work that the Lord has been doing in my life but I haven't been very good with staying consistent. Honestly, it's probably a pretty good reflection of my condition before the Lord. My prayer for this year is that I would give Him the time He deserves each day and use this blog as a way of remembering His speaking/working in my life. 

3. To be obedient before the Lord.

In the parable of the blind man, the Lord placed mud on the eyes of the blind man but he needed to be obedient to the Lord's command to go to wash it off. The Lord sometimes burdens me with something or reveals something that He's doing in my life but I am unwilling to take the step to obey and submit to His leading. In this next year I pray that I would allow Him to soften my heart so that I would be obedient before Him, whether it is letting of something I've been clinging onto or taking up something I've been avoiding.

Out of the Depths (Psalm 130)

Out of the depths, O Lord, I cry to you
When I am tempted to despair
Though I might fail to trust Your promises
You never fail to hear my prayer
And if You judged my sin
I'd never stand again
But I see mercy in Your hands

So more than watchmen for the morning
I will wait for You, my God
When my fears come with no warning
In Your Word I'll put my trust
When the harvest time is over and I still see no fruit
I will wait, I will wait for you

The secret mysteries belong to You
We only know what You reveal
And all my questions that are unresolved
Don't change the wisdom of Your will
In every trial and loss
My hope is in the cross
Where Your compassions never fail


-Sovereign Grace

Why should I see His Kingdom?

Just a simple thought that came to me this morning from a verse we're all very familiar with:

But seek His Kingdom and His Righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:33

I realized that I've been looking at this verse wrong. Why is it that I desire to seek His Kingdom and His Righteousness? Is it so that "all these things will be added to me". I've always had this mindset that when we seek after the things of God then He will bless us with all the things we want. In a way that isn't wrong, I mean He does bless us as we follow Him but that isn't the desire of His heart. He doesn't want us to seek Him just so that He'll bless us. He wants us to seek after the things of Him because of who He is. 

As we learn to let go of the things in our life we find that He is a loving, merciful, and faithful God. Not only that, but He is the God who is seated upon the throne. When we realize these things our desire to seek after His Kingdom and His Righteousness becomes a natural thing. We don't do it for the blessings that follow; we do it because He Himself is worth it. 

Unfulfilled Longings.

All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them.

Hebrews 11:13-16

I've been thinking about this idea of unfulfilled longings. In the past I've always thought of them as a bad thing, that my dissatisfaction towards things in my life were displeasing to God. What I've come to realize is that having these unfulfilled longings themselves are not the problem, it is what usually comes afterwards that is considered sinful. God has created us to have unfulfilled longings. He created us with them so that we wouldn't be content with this world, so that we would long for a better country, that heavenly one. My problem is that I tend to choose to fill those unfulfilled longings with things besides the Lord. I choose to watch my TV shows, hang out with friends, or go shopping. The truth is, nothing can fill that void besides our Lord Himself. I've found that the more I turn to these things the more frustrated I get with life, but when I'm willing to stop and humble myself before the Lord He reminds me of His goodness and my unfulfilled longings dissipate. Having Him alone is enough. 

O taste and see that the Lord is good;

How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!

O fear the Lord, you His saints;

For to those who fear Him there is no want.

The young lions do lack and suffer hunger;

But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.

Psalm 34:8-10 

Hearing the Shepherd's Voice.

Some things in life have been a bit murky for me recently and I couldn't quite figure out. John 10 speaks of the good shepherd. The good shepherd is willing to lay down his life for the sheep that has gone astray which I have a hard time understanding. From my human eyes I feel that with so many sheep losing one doesn't seem like such a big deal. The heart of our good shepherd is different from ours, He is willing to lay down His life for even that one sheep.

As I read Psalm 136 one morning I was reminded of the Lord's love for us, His lovingkindness truly is everlasting. Then it hit me why I've been struggling so much the last few weeks, I had forgotten about the love our of Lord. I had begun to listen to the many voices of this world and the more I listened to them the harder it became to hear the soft but comforting voice of my good shepherd.

Wonderful Savior
My heart belongs to Thee
I will remember always the blood You shed for me
Wonderful Savior
My heart will know your worth
So I will embrace You always as I walk this earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high
Be treasured here
Be glorified
I owe my life to You my Lord
Here I am...

Beautiful Jesus
How may I bless Your heart?
Knees to the earthy I bow down to everything You are
Beautiful Jesus 
You are my only worth
So let me embrace You always as I walk this earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high
Be treasured here
Be glorified
I owe my life to You my Lord
Here I am...

Here I am Lord...ready to hear Your voice.

Aroma.

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.

2 Corinthians 2:14-15

I came across this verse during my morning devotion time a couple of days ago and it got me thinking about this word "aroma". What does it mean for me to manifest the sweet aroma of Christ in every place? I think this also connects to a discussion we had at PGG last week about what it means for someone to be "radiant". I'm quite familiar with the idea of aroma. Trigger words like baked goods or barbeque are perfect examples of foods that I'm able to associate with a specific scent, but what scent do I connect to Christ? It almost sounds silly to think that the things of Christ have a scent, but I had this thought:  why do I enjoy eating cookies freshly baked out of the oven? I'm drawn to them because I find the aroma pleasant. Even if I'm not hungry I'm always up for eating them because of their smell. Shouldn't the things of Christ have that same affect on us? We can't always pinpoint exactly what it is but there's something that draws us to His word each time. That is the unique aroma that the life of Christ gives off. Even when we think we're satisfied we are always open to getting one more taste of our Lord. 

When I think of something fragrant I think of a rose -- it has a delightful scent. So for us to be a fragrance of Christ in this world means that we should have a pleasant aroma. There are aromas that we enjoy and are drawn to and also those we avoid because we find them unpleasant. When people are around us do they smell the life of Christ and find it pleasant, or are they disgusted by the aroma we give off? It's the same thing with being radiant: do we bring brightness into the lives of people around us or do we quench it? 

What is special about something that is radiant or has a sweet aroma is that it can be sensed from afar. We don't need to be near the sun to say that it's radiant, nor do we need to see exactly where a barbecue is happening for our mouths to water. As we walk through life do people see the radiance of Christ or smell His sweet aroma from afar? Only something that is entirely radiant and sweet from within can be sensed without having to get really close. May we all desire to be filled with the radiance and sweet aroma of Christ from within so that the outward display would be a natural thing. 

Unique Service.

Well I survived Texas nature. The afternoons are brutal but the evenings are wonderful. Between the hours of 3-7pm everyone just had this dazed look on their face as they struggled to just move from one bench to another. haha It's actually kind of funny thinking about it now but at the time we were miserable. By nighttime though it's great. Since we were by the water there was a nice breeze but it was still warm enough to be in shorts and a tank, completely different from PNW camping where you're piling on the layers and huddling by the fire to stay warm. I ended up sleeping in the car too cause the tent was going to be too cramped with all of us girls. I must say my car is more comfortable to sleep in than I imagined...I guess being short has its benefits when trying to fit comfortably in small areas.

During our campfire time we had a time for campfire questions. There was quite an array of questions from your first crush to the greatest thing God has done in your life. The one question that got me thinking was this: what service has God burdened you that is unique to you? Honestly when I first heard this question I was glad I wasn't the one that got it because I wouldn't know how to answer it. But it did get me thinking...why did I get involved in the services at HCA? I realized that many times I serve because there is a hole that needs to be filled so I serve. Since I've had previous experience with kids teaching just makes sense. I don't think it's wrong to serve because there are many needs in God's house that needs to be filled but the heart behind that service is crucial. I realized that I may be neglecting the real burden that God has place on my heart and that is the service of prayer.

My prayer life is lacking in many way but I've definitely received burdens from the Lord to prayer for a person, group, or matter. Instead of being diligent though I get lazy and feel that prayer can't do much, really I just don't trust God enough to think that He'll hear and answer prayers. Behind every outward action of service, there needs to be even more of the inward service of prayer. I feel incompetent in many ways when it comes to outwards deeds because there are those around me much more capable than I am but I need to respond to the burden on prayer that the Lord has placed on my heart.

As much as I struggled to go on this trip, God knew I needed to be there and I am thankful for going. Now I need to catch up on reading for school tomorrow...sigh.

Anchor of My Soul.

First week of classes are over for me...but the joy of homework has just begun. Grad school has been a completely difference experience from undergrad, there's a lot more reading and writing...both of which I haven't done in a LONG time. Also, the class sizes are much smaller. One of my class only has 6 people...gotta make sure I stay awake. lol My largest class has 50 and that's only because it's combined with undergrads. Overall, I think that it could be an interesting semester once I figure out how to schedule my time. It's weird having mostly evening or online courses...I'm so used to waking up and getting ready to head out for school/work but I'm adjusting.

When I first paid my tuition I was sad because my hard work of saving this past year seemed to have gone down the drain but our God is so good to us and He allowed my residency application to be approved. I guess that I am now officially a Texas resident...no more interesting stares from people when they look at my Washington driver's license.

So what has the Lord been teaching me this week? I live in the presence of the most High King who is worthy and deserving of my every moment. As I come before Him I realize that I can only cast my anchor in Him...He is the answer to all of my deepest longings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENZWRzO-oNc

Hear My Prayer.

Just a prayer on my heart this morning. No matter what we're going through He hears our prayers and we ought to praise Him and give Him the glory that He deserves. The One seated upon the throne is able to accomplish all.

Hear O Lord and answer,
I am poor and needy.
Guard my life for I am devoted to You.
Hear my prayer O Lord,
And my cry for mercy.
In this day of trouble I will call to You.

Teach me O Lord, I will walk in Your truth.
Give me an undivided heart.
Nations You've made will worship You.
For You alone are the living God.

I will praise You, I will praise You,
Glorify Your name O Lord,
I will praise You, I will praise You,
Glorify Your name O Lord.

Here we go again.

Sorry about neglecting this for a while. I struggled with whether or not to write posts anymore because I wasn't sure what the purpose of me keeping this would be. Much has happened over these last few months but I wonder how much I need to blog for the world to read. I've decided to try to keep this up again only with the hope that I would be able to use this as a way to share words of encouragements to others. I'm not sure how encouraging I can be but we're all learning lessons before the Lord and those learnings should be used to edify each other. 

What we have seen and heard we proclaim to you also, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ.

1 John 1:3

Work at Blackshear is over and I'll be starting classes next week. Part of me is excited to move on to this but also extremely anxious for what is to come. But this is a new beginning for me in many ways so I can only keep my eyes ahead on the Lord and find my rest and comfort in Him. Many things we may not understand but He does so with that in mind I start off this new school year. 

Two things have been on my heart recently. First is what it means to guard our hearts. When brother Chang Jian came to share I remember feeling convicted that I haven't been doing a good job in guarding my heart and because of that I had allowed it to become unpure. My quiet times before the Lord have become scattered and I find my mind wandering to all the things I need to do. I needed to be reminded that I need to listen to the good teaching of the Lord so that His light can shine into the dark places of my heart to show me where I've fallen so that I can get up. Once I'm up I must keep my eyes directly on the Lord because it's the only way to walk forward correctly without getting discouraged by things around me. 

Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.

Proverbs 4:23

 

The second is about the story of Job. I'm not sure why the Lord had placed the burden upon me to look at this book closely. Many brothers have also sharing about this man. I don't have any concrete thoughts to share about this yet except that I feel that Lord is trying to teach me a valuable lesson through it. I may not be experiencing something as extreme as Job but we all have dealings from the Lord and through it we are refined. May our desire be to be called blameless and upright before our Lord. 

Renewed Strength.

Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary, 
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youth grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly, 
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary. 
Isaiah 40:28-31

I rest in Thee, whate'er betide.

O Jesus, Jesus dearest Lord!
Forgive if I say,
For very love, They sacred name
A thousand times a day.

Oh Jesus, Lord with me abide;
I rest in Thee, whate'er betide;
They gracious smile is my reward;
I love, I love Thee, Lord!

For Thou to me art all in all;
My honor, and my wealth;
My heart's desire, my body's strength,
My soul's eternal health.

Burn, burn, O love, within my heart,
Burn fiercely night and day,
Till all the dross of earthly loves
Is burned and burned away.

O light in darkness, joy in grief,
O heaven begun on earth;
Jesus my Love, my Treasure, who
can tell what Thou art worth?

What limit is there to this love?
They flighty, where wilt Thou stay?
On, on! our Lord is sweeter far
Today than yesterday.


While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:18